Disarm your hot buttons.

Verbal taunts, criticisms, rude comments or even shoulder ‘bumps’ are provocations that at a point or another hammer our hot buttons., sometimes they are pushed hard enough to evoke us to explode. These buttons differ from person to person but are inherently ‘installed’ in each one of us.

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Now the underlying question which persist is : how do we wisely deal with these provocations and make an objective attempt to disarm our hot buttons?!

To emerge out successfully from this ‘anger cycle,’ you can either have recourse to either understanding or compassion.

Every provocations are reactions based on your personal emotions and experiences. They are in fact underlying issues screaming loud to be unbottled. Thus, when any kind of situation threatening yoir beliefs or challenging your ‘insecurities,’ you succumb to yoir hot buttons and resort to anger as a defense mechanism! For instance, if since childhood, your hard work has never been acknowledged- maybe it now flares you up if someone fails to accredit your efforts!!!

This becomes a never ending war unless you seek the refuge of understanding and this is HOW you do it:

● Be detached. Pull yourself from that infuriating situation and watch the whole scenario as if a fly on the wall witnessing the situation. Watch your mind without any bias. Try to understand what is dictating your behaviour and ask yourself some pertinent questions as: “why am I so easily triggered by this person’s behaviour? Why is it about him that make me lose all my sanity? Am I insecure? How do I neutralise this?” From hereon, you make it to the ‘divine path’ of growth and utter awareness since you now grant yourself the tools to identify and work on your trigger points. This does not only set you free as a peaceful being but also puts you on a healthy trail of learning. Learning how to be better each growing day.

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Coming to compassion, not everyone possess a great mind to be able to accede to this powerful instrument since it requires one to be fiercely mindful.

● Train your mind into knowing that provocations are mighty traps. Once you fall prey to them, there begins a saga of needless sufferings- Anger!! Frustrations!! Disappointments!! Moodiness!!

If ever you are inflamed, take a deep breath. Indulge in some healthy self talks such as: This is a vicious whirlpool. I cannot sacrifice my saneness and imprison myself. Why should I emulate his anger and jump into this raging fire? When he/she calms down, I might reassess this matter and try help him to overcome his weak points.

Be compassionate to yourself and others. Be wise enough to decipher when and where to wield which tool for the greater good.

Provocations, if get victimized by, one gets trapped in a limitless loop of negativity and pain. Learning what triggers your hot buttons make it easier for you to cool down, look for effective ways to counteract them and hence breathe a life of harmony.

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A paradigm shift

Are you frustrated upon why things do not go your way? Are you fagged out when witnessing your each and every life plans getting foiled? Or are you a planner freak as in ‘NOTHING should never ever happen without prior utter planning?! If you answer a big YES, then you really gotta change something in your life. A change which would grant you peace of mind through an objective acceptance of life.

We humans believe that we can control absolutely anything, especially our life. We keep planning out things- “my life should be as such; if this happens, I’ll dance with joy but if that happens I’ll recoil in grief!”

Are we sure… super confident that whatever we plan will always turn out to be the best for us and for everyone out there? NOOO! WE’RE NOT!!! Still, when our scheme doesn’t ensue as expected, we curse our fate and begin to play the blame game, leaving us too weary to be solution oriented. And usually, the problem lies within us!

We are blatantly unaware on how to deal with what life ‘throws’ at us! Uncertainty, the middle name of LIFE, is what drives us daily! Life emerges out unexpectedly. It is mere foolhardiness to be awaiting our plans to perfectly materialise!!! No, I’m at no point asserting that we should refrain from having plans- now that would be like living an aimless life! Because this is also true that if we fail to plan, we are actually planning to fail!

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But what I mean to translate is that yes, do make plans but don’t be upset if they do not go your way. Don’t get slipped into a series of depression which lead to nowhere. Rather, understand the lovely ways of life and how it evolves. We people cannot fully decide what is ideal for us since our choives and decisions are mostly limited to ourselves but the universe which is well coordinated with every aspects of life, has a way better insight about what is best for us and the greater good than we ourselves even realise. Know that everything happens for the best. We simply need to identify how to perceive things in the best view possible.

Charles Swirdoll beautifully put this “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

Pride to dominate others’ opinions?

This does not at any point lead to self development and overall welfare of either! But it rather belittle the opposite person’s in some way and trigger one to shelter an inflated self image!

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Opinions simply mirror one’s experiences, level of understanding and perceptions. While Mr X might have a better knowledge on a specific issue due to his constant scrutiny thereon, Mr Y might be completely or partly ignorant on the matter. Hence , instead of thrusting one’s opinions on him, Mr X should try to embrace the virtue of understanding, thus taking into account the uniformed condition of Mr Y. Following this humble attitude, Mr X does not only softens his approach but also display butter-like smooth communication with the person which eventually make the latter dedicatedly imbibe the knowledge being shared.

A teacher does not feel superior by winning any arguments of opinions against his student but in lieu resorts to a comprehensive outlook in regards to his pupil’s ignoranceby wearing the cloak of humility at all times, attempting to deliver his best in imparting the right knowledge to him.

The world is a gargantuan ocean of teachings and awakening, in the refuge of which fishes called teachers and disciples reside. Knowledge is omnipresent. It can be grasped from absolutely anyone- from elders, youths, flora and fauna and the inanimates. I play the role of a teacher at a time and then become a student at another! Being gulped by a sense of superiority while being a master and being crushed by a feeling of inferiority while being a student defy the whole purpose of granting and attaining knowlege for self enhancement and for the greater good.

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I am either a teacher or an apprentice at a given point in time which demands neither supremacy nor mediocrity!!!

Take control of yourself.

When a person misbehaves, disagrees or insults you, the most obvious and ‘easiest’ reaction is to snap back at them. And this is exactly where you get stuck up in a whirlpool of anger, frustration and unfulfilment. And I’m not at all kidding! It’s a matter of fact.

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Think about it yourself! Pause for awhile. Travel in a flashback of a kind of ‘undesirable’ situation. The scenario might be… A friend of yours misbehaved with you and you revert back doing the same!!! Did this calm you and the situation down or it was further aggravated?! I’m certain that the latter was the unfortunate result!!!

Why so? Simply because we people do not gauge our actions before implementing them out. Basic human behaviour! At the sense of any threat, we immediately jump out for action- impromptu! Well, this would have been highly useful, had we been cavemen! But, now, since we grew out of that state, it’s time to take control of ourselves and think before pushing ourselves in a pitfall of uncertainties where we are ignorant of what could be!

People are unchangeable They are uninfluenceable. Internalise these golden words. People form opinions on the basis of their upbringing, experiences and thoughts. How on earth do you think you, someone who himself is glued to his own opinions unwilling to alter it, will be able to affect and change that of the opposite person?!! And when you fail in influencing that person, you foolishly resort to anger! Ironical!!!

We are living in a world of obstinate people, including ourselves, where no one really consents to change at the behest of others! So, why do you get offended or affected by whatever people say or do?! Just as they do not hold the power to shake up your beliefs, so don’t you!

Stay calm. Be composed. Do your thing and let them do theirs. Act in good faith. Each and every one of us is driven by our own personal lines of thinking and behavioural patterns. If you can do nothing to amend their thoughts and actions, sit back, relax and observe them- entertain yourself and grab some lessons from the situation. Besides, learning is everywhere.

Don’t, at any point, let yourself get stripped of your peace of mind and calm nature merely due to having no appreciation, acknowledment or reciprocation from the opposite person. Don’t give away that personal power of yours. At no cost!

Cut off the weed.

We are sowed on earth for a purpose. The purpose of each and every one of us is to be fulfilled. That fulfilment is not achieved by materialism or fame or on what people think of you. It is acquired by being at the service of others.

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For instance, you might have an intention of helping others to have a merrier and more purposeful life by sharing the knowledge, skill and great ideas you are endowed with.

But many a times, that intention to to add meaning to the life of others gets adulterated by artificiality. It is as if that noble intention is like a beautiful little plant growing but gets surrounded by weeds called fame, people’s feedback and the opinions of others. Those weeds surround and hover around that real intention everyday. The weeds are the intention that you don’t want but they grow to the extent that the weeds begin to look like the plant and you start believing the weeds to be the same as your real intention. But they aren’t. Because, being at the need of others selflessly, without any expectations gets you to the path of fulfilment and eternal joy but wishing to get something in return only makes you anxious and thrust that feeling of emptiness in you.

A daily practice should be to go back in, reflect on what that voice in your head is saying to you and what are you telling yourself- it might be something as “do this good deed in front of people so that you can appear good; or announce your project named ‘ecology wellbeing’ in public where you would get great feedback and be held in high regards or post that particular informative thing for more likes and positive comments do this inspirational video for more followers or fame, etc”

These are all creeper weeds! Weeds that kill your purpose of being. What you got to do is to CUT DOWN THOSE WEEDS everyday!!! Refine your intention and pave the road to fulfilment by taking control of your thought processes. Reminding yourself about your real intention daily simply does the great job of gettting you back on track and live a meaningful thus blissful life.

Pablo Picasso said “The meaning of life is to find your gift.The purpose of life is to give it away.

People.

People and people all around! Good or bad? Well, that depends on your perception!!!

There are no noble or evil people. There are just people! People who have only ONE ultimate goal- HAPPINESS. Think well. Are each and one of us not acting to be able to feel happy? Are we all not pursuing happiness? So how does this make us different? We are all crumbs of the same bread.

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It is simply that we tend to act differently in the pursue of our happiness! The ways we adopt of doing things may surely differ. In the perspective of some, it might be a wrong while to others, it might be the best of the best!

This brings us to the fact that judging others is always biased. Because we look at people and form opinions from our level of perception and based on our experiences. We do not even rack our brains into thinking that, yes, this person might be undergoing through a completely different phase to which I may be failing to relate!

Don’t be judgemental. Everyone has a story behind what and how they are, driven by certain reasons to do what they do. Be human enough to understand that not everyone has the same life as yours. Each and every person is unique, so are their stories. Many are fighting lethal life battles you know nothing about.

It’s easy to hurl abuses or badmouth someone but it takes a good and comprehensive heart to appreciate the human race, however they are.

Don’t forego your good nature.

“Be who you are. Don’t let other people change you.” -Grisella

” He is so good to me- I should respond by being nice too!”

“Damn, how can she be so rude- I will give her a taste of her own medecine and act similarly to her!!!”

Now, does this sound strikingly familiar? Do you behave likewise? If yes, then, people influence your behaviour and dictate your emotions to a great degree. You are not in your own control. You act according to people. Anyone has the ability to annoy or disappoint you because you gave away that power of yours!!!

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Changing your attitude and nature towards people just because they do not reciprocate reveal the great extent to which you suffer from instability in your life and are void of inner peace. When you permit people to direct your behaviour, then you, in some way or other become their puppet. Simply because, you will eject a reactive response to whatever they say or do.

People act according to their nature! So, why do YOU change your nature depending on theirs. Be what you really are with everyone, irrespective of how they are! This does not only bestow onto you bliss but also make you feel content with yourself.

This story below depicts it all;

Once in a monastery two monks walked about doing their morning duties. As they passed a small bowl, filled with rain, they saw a scorpion was drowning in the water. One monk reached in to save the creature. As soon as his fingers touched the panicking Scorpion, it stung him and the monk dropped the Scorpion back into the water. The monk sighed, and reached back in. This time he got his grip a little firmer, but still dropped the Scorpion when he was stung. He kept reaching in, as his friend looked on in confusion. After dozens of attempts, the other monk spoke up saying “Brother, why do you keep trying to save that scorpion? It stings you every time you come near it. The monk paused before reaching in again and smiled. As another sting bit into his hand, he took a fallen leaf from the ground and pulled the scorpion out to safety. He finally said: “Because it is his nature to sting, and my nature to save. Don’t forget brother, soon either I’ll stop feeling the pain of the sting and he will be saved, or he will stop being afraid and be saved. Compassion cannot be stopped so easily.”

Internalise the fact that you can change and control no one apart from yourself. Before trying to change people without their consent, be ready live a life fraught with frustration, disappointment and anger!

Don’t let yourself be highly affected by others’ nature when you know you cannot change them? Instead you end up causing yourself misery! Be in your own skin whilst let them be in theirs!

Yes, be compassionate and helpful towards a ‘drowning’ person but just as the monk pulled the scorpion from the water by resorting to a fallen leaf, use your wisdom and know your own limits before you handle every situation.